Giving White People a Bad Name

Giving White People A Bad Name

When you write a weekly column about life, society, politics, and everything in between, it’s hard to not at least say something about a situation as fundamentally disturbing as the white supremacy marches that occurred last week in Charlottesville, Virginia. Watching Neo-Nazis and alt-right activists band together to protest the removal of the town’s statue to Confederate war general Robert E. Lee was certainly disconcerting, though hardly surprising. Emboldened by a president who they believe represents their values of racism, bigotry, and ethnic hatred, it was then even more disconcerting to see these protests turn violent. And then there was the president’s reaction to the whole debacle that left you shaking your head in disbelief. Yeah, it was definitely one hell of a week.

So when I sat there having coffee with a friend discussing how to best write about this whole fiasco, she made a helpful observation. In writing TRUTH: In 1000 Words or Less, I usually try to find my own unique angle to the situations I write about, to put my own spin on the current events so many others have covered already. So what could I say here? Everyone (well, everyone but our pathetic commander in chief), has already disparaged the acts of the white supremacy groups that fueled the racial violence in Charlottesville; it is a clear example of low-lying fruit if ever there was one. Outraged by the atrocities committed in the name of white power, everyone with access to a social media account has posted angry rantings about Charlottesville. Everyone seems to be confronting this violence with further vitriol of their own, perpetuating the schism in an already divided nation. “Why not use humor?” she suggested. “Why not just make fun of the white supremacists instead of spewing more anger and frustration? Don’t give them a voice by focusing on their message; emasculate that voice with humor.” Well, damn, that’s just what I’m good at, so here it goes…

Let’s begin with the obvious. These white supremacists keep suggesting that they want to “Take their country back”. But from whom? Apparently, some of these stooges badly failed elementary school History because the only people in this country that should have the right to go around shouting crap like that are Native Americans. You do realize this was THEIR country long before your ancestors came here and violently kicked them off of it, right? So what the hell makes it your country to take back? If you want to go back to the roots of white heritage, I suggest you get yourself on the first flight over to Europe where that line of argument might make some sense and not result in an audible groan from anyone with a second grade education.

The next question I have always had is about the white robes of the Klu Klux Klan. Why go with white? Aren’t they white already? You would think going with a nice yellow or pink would brighten up their message just a bit. Shoot, any splash of color would make a welcome addition to their otherwise bland outlook on life and the lack of diversity they apparently crave. I’d suggest rainbow colors, but they hate gay people too, even when they’re white.

Which is quite ironic when you stop to think about it. As you scrolled through the images of the Neo Nazis protestors, did you notice something they all had in common? Yeah, that’s right: they were almost all dudes. Talk about about a homoerogenous sausage fest! Either these guys are using their gun-toting machismo to try to deflect from their latent homosexuality or they simply aren’t very good at attracting members of the opposite sex. You would think that at least one of these guys would have had a girlfriend that they could have talked into attending the rally with them. I mean, even my past girlfriends who hated sports would at least go to the occasional game with me. But amongst all these throngs of men, nary a woman was to be found.

And who can blame them? It’s funny that this group of testosterone-fueled monkeys is trying to extol the virtues of whites as the dominant race when, by all visual evidence I could detect, they themselves are the absolute worse of what the white gene pool could dredge up. I’m not sure that one of these guys could drag themselves out of their parents’ basement long enough to get in a good long shower and make themselves presentable for being even remotely dateable. Seriously, all of these guys look like the wanted poster you see hanging in the lobby of your local sheriff’s office. And after last week’s march, they probably will be.

And finally, what is with all the guns? I mean these guys were packing more heat than a Columbian drug cartel. Even a member of the National Guard called in to monitor the situation and keep the peace suggested that they were concerned because the protestors themselves were better armed than they were. If the white supremacists honestly believe themselves ethnically superior to a minority population, why the need for all the guns? If their purpose was just to peacefully demonstrate and defend their thoughtful position that the Robert E. Lee statue ought to remain, why would they need to come armed to the teeth? Looks like someone has a bit of penis envy, don’t you think?

But let’s not fight back with violence and guns of our own. Let’s not fight back with vitriol and hateful speech. Shoot, let’s not fight back at all. Let’s just make fun of these backwards ass buffoons and call them out for being the racist morons they truly are. They may have the guns, but we have the words that kill.

Steven Craig is the author of the best-selling novel WAITING FOR TODAY, as well as numerous published poems, short stories, and dramatic works. Read his blog TRUTH: in 1000 Words or Less every THURSDAY at www.waitingfortoday.com

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Steven Craig

Steven Craig

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Steven Craig is the author of the best-selling novel WAITING FOR TODAY. Read his blog TRUTH: IN 1000 WORDS OR LESS on Thursdays at www.waitingfortoday.com